Subject Zero Datalog


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I love how potato in French is pomme de terre, which pretty much means “earth apple.”

like what stupid frenchman saw this:


and said “zis petite légume looks like a, how you say, APPLE! hmmm… but it grows in ze earth… HON HON HON! MAIS OUI! C’EST UNE POMME DE TERRE!”

j’adore comment ananas se dit pineapple en anglais, ce qui veut littéralement dire “pomme de pin, genre quel type anglais a vu ça:

et s’est dit : “ow cette étrange big fruit ressemble à une, how do you say, POMME! hmmm… mais plutôt une pomme qui pousse dans les pins… HU HU HU! OH YES, IT’S A PINEAPPLE!

(z’avez vu, on peut le faire aussi… hon hon hon!)

(via queendread)

Filed under this is so perfect it hurts

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theoriginalimpossiblesoufflegirl asked: How about Kaidan comes home one day, and finds that Shepard responded to his message right before she went through the Omega 4 relay, telling him that she understood why he walked away on Horizon, and that she's glad he did because she might die on this mission and she couldn't put him through that again, but one of the things she said was "you hurt me, you son of a bitch"? (I know, this is super-specific. I've had the idea for a really long time but don't know that I could write it.)



AN: Assuming a modified letter from Kaidan since I’m writing this as a canon piece for NSA. Specifically the part where he talks about Ilos. Obviously they’ve shared more than that one night. Kaidan instead talks about Trident and their last night together.


RE: Horizon

Dear Kaidan
Hey Kai

You hurt me, you sonofabitch.

I get it. I really do, and I’m sorry. We both said a lot of things that maybe we didn’t mean, but maybe we did. You know?

I just wanted to say because, well, I mean we didn’t exactly get a lot of closure on Horizon. It’s amazing we didn’t leave a smoking crater behind, especially when you walked away and I chased after you. I wasn’t thinking straight. Everyone and everything says ‘two years’ but when I saw you standing there, you know how long it was for me since I last saw you?

Three weeks. That’s all, three weeks. Long enough to miss you, not so long that the hurt really had time to sink in yet. Definitely not two years worth of sinking, and certainly not four years of waiting.

Don’t wait for me, Apollo.

I can’t promise I’ll still be here after you get this message. Hell, couldn’t really promise it after Trident, but that was different. More hopeful, I suppose. 

But this? This is different. This is a suicide mission. I guess that’s what I’m good at, eh? All those close encounters and scraping out by the skin of my teeth. 

This is just us. Just my crew and a one way trip through the Omega 4 Relay and against my better judgment because I promised Joker I’d work through my shit long enough to do the job, I’m sending you this letter.

It’s not what you want to hear, and I didn’t want to say it, but I can’t leave you hanging. I can’t lie to you and if this is the last chance I get to say anything then by god I’m gonna say it.

I love you. I’m sorry. I wish you were here but I’m so relieved that you’re not. I wish it was fo- six years ago and we were still sitting on a beach throwing sand at each other. I wish I hadn’t died. I wish had another chance to kiss you.

I wish I still had that stupid seashell.

… Goodbye.


#reblogging from ages ago #I have been overcome with interest as to what Kaidan’s reaction was #and what he said in response #if anything #pestiset reblogs

Well, well, well. Here we go then.

Kaidan Alenko was many things. Some of them good, even. Sense of humor. On point. Focused in combat. Determined. Judgmental, but that wasn’t as good. Depending on who you asked.

It was one of the things Alexis had loved (still loved?) about him.

But as he stared at his terminal, holding the stupid seashell he’d found in a box of her things taken from the wreckage, broken in half and held together with wire, he cursed himself for all kinds of idiot because he’d made a bad judgment call on Horizon. The worst, if he wasn’t lying to himself.

Possibly the worst one of his life, and there’d been a few years after BAaT where he hadn’t exactly been described as smart. Nothing he did during those years would ever, ever amount to the severe and utter terribleness that was looking the love of his life in the eyes and telling her she’d betrayed him. Looking her in the eyes while she pleaded with him and telling her he didn’t trust her.

Walking away from her a second time and not looking back when she’d screamed his name. He’d thought for sure, in that moment, that if he looked back he’d be lost.

He was wrong.

Looking forward had brought him somewhere completely unrecognizable and there was no way that the woman he’d encountered on Horizon but couldn’t quite believe was Alexis wasn’t. No one could have known about the seashell except for her. She’d been right there, the answer to all his late night desperate whispers and angry pleas to the world. His dreams come true and hearts desire fulfilled.

And he’d said no.

God, he was an idiot. It didn’t matter anymore that she’d been gone for two years, dropped off the grid, dead. It didn’t matter that coming back was impossible. He clenched his fist around the shell, hard enough that the wire dug into his skin and broke through the surface. Eyes closed and heart screaming and he wanted to go back in time and change everything about that moment. To follow her and never look back. To say yes, yes to everything, not just the one question she’d put voice to.

He opened his terminal and hit reply.


You are my seashell.

Filed under MY HEART MY FUCKING HEART HOW CAN YOU DO THIS TO ME shenko mass effect kaidan alenko

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Being southern is really funny cause were inherently fake as hell “bless your heart” is THE shadiest sentence in the entire lexicon of americanized english  

In the UK “bless your heart” is probably one of the only sincere things you will hear from us.

(via kathycalypso)